My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
