Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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