She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
