i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
