Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
