and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
