I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
