Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
