we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
