Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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