Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
