You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
