3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
