i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
