Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
