I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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