I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
