I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
