I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize