mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Randomize
