I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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