i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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