i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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