i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
