Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just invented taco cereal.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
