Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
