i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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