Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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