I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
