margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
