His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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