just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
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Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
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I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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