and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
