Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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