If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
