Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
