The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Randomize
