So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.