So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
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You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
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I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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