I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
