I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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