is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
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