just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
last night I used snow as a chaser
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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