My liver just broke up with me...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
