dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
