Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
