Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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