where am i from again
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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