I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
