I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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