I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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