I am in a vortex of obligation.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
