It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
