i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
