so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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