6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
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I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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