I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize