If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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