So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
ugly people sure do ruin things
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Randomize
