Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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