i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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