Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
