There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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