No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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