also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
