whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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