fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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