she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
