She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
