don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
