I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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